What does it mean to really live?
We use the phrase often without pausing to ask what it truly points to. “I just want to really live.” “Are you really living, or just existing?” It carries a quiet urgency, a whisper that life is slipping by unless we wake up to it. But what does really living actually mean?
For some, it evokes freedom, quitting the job, traveling the world, throwing caution to the wind. For others, it’s about slowing down, savoring ordinary moments, or finding peace after years of striving. Beneath all these variations is a deeper question that philosophers, poets, and seekers of every age have wrestled with:
How do we distinguish between mere existence and a life fully lived?
The Distinction Between Existing and Living
To exist is to survive, to continue being. We breathe, we eat, we work, we sleep. Life passes in routines and obligations, often in the service of security or social approval.
To live, in contrast, involves an inner spark, a conscious engagement with the mystery of being alive at all. The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard described the difference as one between an aesthetic or ethical life and a truly existential one, in which a person confronts their freedom and responsibility.
In more everyday terms, existing is being carried by momentum. Living is choosing.
But here is the paradox… really living isn’t about constant novelty or adrenaline. It’s not measured by how exotic your experiences are. It’s measured by how awake you are to your own existence.
Why We Often Miss It
If really living is so essential, why do so many of us feel we are falling short of it?
Autopilot conditioning: From childhood, we’re taught to chase certain markers, the perfect grades, jobs, possessions, status. This can lead us to follow scripts rather than truly live.
Fear and control: We cling to safety, fearing change or risk. But in insulating ourselves, we sometimes numb ourselves to life’s rawness.
Busyness as identity: Constant activity gives us the illusion of importance, but it can distract from the deeper quality of our days.
External definitions of success: We borrow someone else’s measure of a “good life” and forget to ask what feels alive to us.
The result is what many describe as the quiet discontent of modern living: outwardly accomplished, inwardly restless.
Philosophical Perspectives on “Really Living”
Across traditions, thinkers have pointed toward different facets of what it means to truly live:
The Greeks and Eudaimonia: Aristotle argued that the goal of life was eudaimonia which is flourishing through virtue, meaning, and alignment with one’s nature. Really living, for him, wasn’t indulgence but cultivating excellence of character.
Stoicism and Presence: Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius saw living fully as embracing the present moment, acting with integrity, and accepting what lies beyond our control.
Existentialists and Authenticity: Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and Sartre each stressed authenticity as the courage to create meaning in a world that offers no guarantees. To live is to take responsibility for one’s freedom, even in uncertainty.
Eastern Wisdom and Impermanence: In Buddhism and Taoism, living fully is about awakening to impermanence, dropping illusions of control, and flowing with life’s changing nature.
These perspectives converge on a key point: really living isn’t passive. It requires awareness, choice, and a relationship to the bigger picture of existence.
What Really Living Is Not
It may help to clear away misconceptions. Really living does not mean:
Constant thrill-seeking or bucket lists. You can be on a rollercoaster around the world and still feel hollow.
Perfection or constant happiness. Struggle, grief, and uncertainty are part of life fully lived.
Throwing away responsibility. Authentic living can include duty, it is about how you meet it, not whether you avoid it.
Comparing your life to others. Envy and imitation pull you out of your own aliveness.
Instead, really living is quieter, deeper, more intimate.
The Qualities of a Life Fully Lived
When we peel back the noise, certain qualities emerge again and again in people who feel they are “really living”:
Presence – They inhabit moments, not just rush through them. They taste their coffee, listen deeply in conversation, notice sunlight on leaves.
Authenticity – They live in alignment with their truth, not just cultural scripts. They’re willing to say no, change direction, and follow an inner compass.
Courage – They step into uncertainty, risk vulnerability, and embrace change, even when fear is present.
Connection – They cultivate meaningful relationships with people, with nature, with something greater than themselves.
Growth – They stretch beyond comfort zones, learn, evolve.
Meaning – They orient life around values and purposes that matter to them, whether creative, relational, or spiritual.
These qualities can be cultivated in any context,whether in a boardroom, a kitchen, a forest, or a hospice bedside.
Practical Pathways to Really Living
Philosophy becomes transformative when it meets practice. Here are ways to begin shifting from existence to true living:
1. Slow Down and Notice
Life’s fullness is often hidden in plain sight. Practicing mindfulness, pausing to notice breath, taste, sound, it helps re-engage the everyday.
Try this: Take five minutes a day to do one ordinary act (drink tea, walk, wash dishes) with full presence. Notice how it changes your experience of time.
2. Question Your Scripts
Ask: Whose version of success am I living? Journaling on this can reveal inherited expectations that don’t match your truth.
Try this: Write down three “shoulds” you live by. Then reframe them as “I choose” or “I don’t choose.”
3. Embrace Impermanence
Remembering that everything changes can make moments more precious and free us from clinging.
Try this: At the end of each day, name one thing you’re grateful for that won’t last forever.
4. Cultivate Courage
Aliveness often waits just beyond fear. It could be speaking your truth, starting a project, or simply allowing yourself to rest.
Try this: Each week, do one small thing that scares you but matters to you.
5. Prioritize Connection
Isolation deadens. Relationships that are human, natural, spiritual, animate us.
Try this: Replace one scroll of social media with a real conversation or a walk in nature.
6. Align With Meaning
Really living is living in service of something bigger than comfort or image.
Try this: Reflect on the question: If I had one year to live, what would I devote myself to? Let the answers inform your choices now.
The Risk and the Gift
To really live is risky. It means allowing yourself to feel more, risk disappointment, embrace uncertainty. It’s easier to stay numbed by routine, protected by convention.
But the risk is also the gift. As the poet Mary Oliver asked: Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Really living is not about arriving somewhere perfect. It’s about entering life as it is, fleeting, raw, luminous and then participating fully.
In Short
Perhaps the simplest answer to “What does really living mean?” is this:
It means remembering that life is not a rehearsal. That each moment, however ordinary, is unrepeatable. That to be alive is to be entrusted with a mystery that asks for more than survival.
To really live is to show up to presence, to truth, to connection, to love, to the fragile wonder of existence.
And it begins, always, now.
Thank you for reading x
