If We Cannot Listen to Ourselves, How Can We Listen to Others?

The foundation of authentic connection lies not in perfect communication techniques, but in the quiet courage to hear what’s true within us first.

There’s a moment that happens in every meaningful conversation—a pause where something real wants to emerge. But more often than not, we fill that space with noise. We rush to respond, to fix, to be right, to be heard. We mistake the volume of our voice for the depth of our listening.

What if the quality of how we listen to others is directly proportional to how willing we are to listen to ourselves?

The Filters We Don’t See

In the Core Truths System, we begin with a fundamental recognition: our minds filter reality rather than reveal it directly. We don’t experience the world as it is—we experience it through the lens of our beliefs, our history, our fears, and our unspoken needs.

When someone shares something vulnerable with us, we’re not just hearing their words. We’re filtering them through:

•Our own experiences of similar situations

•Our discomfort with certain emotions

•Our urge to fix or solve rather than simply witness

•Our judgments about what they “should” do

•Our own unprocessed feelings that get triggered

This isn’t wrong—it’s human. But when we’re unconscious of these filters, we can’t distinguish between what the other person is actually saying and what our internal world is adding to their story.

The Art of Internal Listening

Before we can hold space for another’s truth, we must first become intimately familiar with our own inner landscape. This means:

Recognizing your emotional weather. 

Are you carrying anxiety from earlier in the day? Frustration from an unresolved conflict? Joy that wants to be shared? 

When we acknowledge what’s alive in us, we can choose whether to let it drive the conversation or simply notice it as part of the background.

Catching your assumptions before they solidify. That moment when someone says something and you think you immediately understand what they mean? 

Pause there. 

What story are you telling yourself about their situation? What would it be like to get curious instead of certain?

Noticing your rescue impulses. 

The urge to jump in with advice, to make someone feel better, or to change the subject when things get uncomfortable—these often say more about our own discomfort than about what the other person actually needs.

The Paradox of Control

Here’s where the second Core Truth becomes essential: control is an illusion, but agency is not.

We cannot control what others share with us, how they feel, or what they choose to do with our support. But we do have agency over our own presence, our willingness to stay open when things get messy, and our commitment to listening without an agenda.

The most profound listening happens when we release the need to have the right response and instead trust that our authentic presence—our willingness to be with someone in their reality—is often the most healing gift we can offer.

Connection as Our True Nature

The fifth Core Truth reminds us that we are fundamentally relational beings. We don’t exist in isolation. Our wellbeing is intimately connected to the wellbeing of those around us. 

When we listen deeply—first to ourselves, then to others—we’re not just improving communication. 

We’re participating in the healing of our collective human experience.

Think about the last time someone truly listened to you. Not with an agenda, not while formulating their response, not trying to fix you. Just… listened. 

How did that feel in your body? 

What became possible in that space?

The Practice: Three Levels of Listening

Level 1: Listen to Your Body

Before engaging in any important conversation, take a moment to check in. What are you noticing in your chest, your shoulders, your stomach? Your body holds wisdom about what you need and what you’re bringing to the interaction.

Level 2: Listen to Your Story

What narrative are you telling yourself about this person or situation? What assumptions are you making? Can you hold these stories lightly, as possibilities rather than facts?

Level 3: Listen to What Wants to Emerge

Sometimes the most important thing isn’t what’s being said, but what’s trying to be born in the space between two people. What wants to be acknowledged? What truth is asking to be witnessed?

When Listening Becomes Revolutionary

In a world that profits from our disconnection, choosing to listen deeply—to ourselves and others—becomes a radical act. It’s a refusal to participate in the culture of quick fixes and surface solutions. It’s a commitment to the slower, more complex work of actually seeing each other.

When we can listen to our own hearts without judgment, we create space for others to do the same. When we can sit with our own discomfort, we can stay present for someone else’s pain. When we can acknowledge our own humanity—complete with contradictions and imperfections—we can extend that same grace to others.

The Invitation

So here’s the invitation: What if, before your next difficult conversation, you spent a few minutes listening to yourself first?

What are you hoping for? What are you afraid of? What do you need in order to stay open and present?

And then, when you’re with the other person, what if you listened not just to their words, but to what their heart is trying to tell you? What if you got curious about their inner world instead of certain about their intentions?

The quality of our relationships—and ultimately, the quality of our lives—depends not on our ability to have all the right answers, but on our willingness to listen to what’s real. First within ourselves, then within each other.

Because when we truly listen, we don’t just hear words. We witness souls. And in that witnessing, something sacred happens—we remember that we’re not alone in this beautiful, complicated experience of being human.

True success isn’t about having it all—it’s about feeling at home within yourself as you live it. 

And home always begins with the courage to listen.

The Core Truths System offers a transformational framework for those seeking a more truthful, soul-aligned way of living. If these ideas resonate with you, consider exploring how these principles might transform not just how you communicate, but how you show up in the world.